So I’ll begin with a simple thought. We are always changing, evolving and transforming. The process never stops – from our first breath to our last. The easiest way to remind yourself is to dig out some old photos (I did yesterday) and look back at yourself 5…10…15 years ago. Often, the transformation is so subtle and gradual that we barely recognise it’s happening … but we look back one day and realise the immense journey we’ve been on. Other times it’s big… it sort of punches you in the face… it dramatically changes the course of our life.
The change that simmers away in the background is usually pretty comfortable… I mean, we don’t really even know it’s happening. It’s just a normal part of the human condition. But deliberate change… change that we are ultimately driving … that’s hard... and can be absolutely terrifying. Maybe it’s fixing or leaving a relationship… turning your health around… a career change… getting yourself out of a shitty situation… or something else. Whilst these changes may be challenging I believe that we must seek and embrace them when necessary, if we want to experience the best of life.
Ultimately, my career has been about facilitating a space in which personal transformation can occur. To help people identify what needs to change, find confidence and equip them with the knowledge and tools to be whoever they really want to be. It’s been a privilege to go on this journey with people and has made me absolutely certain that we all have the capacity to drive change and transform into whatever we want.
I have lost count of the number of times someone has told me I have ‘changed their life’. When the words hit my ears, it is truly humbling. I remember initially pulling my shoulders back and puffing my chest out and thinking ‘god, I’m good at this!’. But I quickly realised that it was all bullshit.
You see… personal transformation is hard… and it’s deeply personal. It takes courage, tenacity and resilience. For me to take any of the credit would be to take all the power away from the person who has just been to the depths of the heart and soul and back to make this epic moment occur.
So here’s my truth:
No one else can change your life. It’s all on you.
In fact, I’d go as far as to say if someone claims they can ‘change your life’, I would run in the other direction as quickly as possible… because it’s likely they are full of both themselves… and shit. My experience has taught me the only person that can change your life is YOU. Don’t get me wrong… having a coach or a mentor to guide you is incredibly powerful – but they won’t change you.
I have come to realise that there are certain things that usually facilitate personal transformation. They are also applicable to change at a corporate team/organisational level as well. The following steps aren’t necessarily a formula to follow in order, rather conditions that enable and encourage growth and change to occur.
1. Accept full responsibility. Change begins with a realisation that it is needed. It’s about being brutally honest with yourself… it’s about calling your own bullshit when you recognise the excuses starting to formulate in your brain. Don’t beat yourself up for what got you to this point… and don’t blame anyone else… just draw a line in the sand and accept responsibility for where you are, where you are going and what you need to do to get there. Be proud that you’ve made this realisation. This is often the hardest part.
2. Know your why… do it for you. Motivation is the fuel that will sustain your energy and will throughout the journey. Spend some time reflecting on what is driving the change. Write these thoughts down. During this process, you might find you are changing to please someone else… maybe a partner, a friend, family or your competition. I’m not a big believer in this. Reframe the core driver of the change to be about you – it doesn’t mean those others won’t also get benefit.
3. Create a vision. If you aren’t fully content with where you are… it’s usually because you want to be somewhere else. It’s really important you articulate this in as much vivid detail as possible. Create a vision you can get really excited about. Get it down on paper and make it visible – give yourself a constant reminder of where you are going.
4. Break big into small. A big vision can feel really overwhelming…. particularly when you haven’t even started yet. Break it down. Think about what you need and start sourcing - it could be people, resources or something else. Create a series of small milestones. If you love to compete… give yourself targets and aim to beat them. If competition isn’t your thing, just plot points out (like a map) and tick them off once you arrive.
5. Prioritise. Momentum is created by energy. If you really want to make this happen it is going to require some sacrifice... and most likely shuffling of priorities. The easiest excuse is always ‘not having time’... but it’s usually rubbish. It just means you haven’t made it a priority. Make time. Results go where energy flows.
6. Be Patient. Accumulate. Sustainable change takes time. Don’t rush… Remember, it’s not a race and you have no competition. Taking your time with the process will enable the beliefs and behaviours you are rewriting to become entrenched. Gain as much knowledge, experience and skills as you can along the way. It’s tempting to take shortcuts and get instant gratification – but in the long run it’ll come back to bite you. Take your time.
7. Reward progress and be kind to yourself. Make sure you recognise your progress, and give yourself a pat on the back every now and then. Post your successes on the socials… treat yourself to something… give yourself a little internal high five. When things aren’t on track, don’t beat yourself up. Reflect, learn from whatever has happened, refocus on your goal and get going again.
8. Have a support team. Be honest and vulnerable with people… and share your journey with people that love you. Change can be a lonely journey if you’re traveling it alone… but having good people around you can motivate you, help you stay on track, and give you a shoulder to lean on when things get tough. You’re going to have your doubters too – just make sure your supporters drown them out.
9. Find a great coach. As I mentioned earlier change can be really confronting. A great coach will make change feel far less volatile… because the right coach will have experience, skills and knowledge that can guide you through the unpredictable territory you find yourself in. Take your time finding a coach you connect with and respect. The right coach will walk beside you. They will ask the tough questions. They will hold you accountable. They will help you feel great about the progress you are making together.
We often find ourselves in situations or circumstances that we aren’t fully satisfied with. In these moments we have two choices: We can sit back, wait and hope for the best… or we can take charge of where we are heading and make things happen.