Yesterday I had lunch with someone I’ve admired for a long time – he was a quiet architect and key driver in one of Australia’s most incredible social enterprise stories. However sitting at a café in East Doncaster… he wasn’t wearing the hat of the entrepreneur that took on big corporate and changed the game, or the revolutionary change maker to whom many people in the developing world owe a great deal… he was just Jarryd.
We were chatting about the immense influence that leadership has on culture… in sport, business, politics and just life in general. The fact that great leaders unite people, inspire them to achieve the seemingly impossible, and keep them moving forwards through the toughest of times. And that the absence of, or poor leadership, can have the opposite effect.
We arrived at a point in our conversation that explored what sets great leaders apart. What made people WANT to follow them, rather than feeling like they had to. We agreed that it is hard to characterise leadership to a particular style… or personality type… but there are definitely some obvious common threads.
One of the most prominent and perhaps challenging, is the delicate balance between ego and humility. In a nutshell – the ability for a leader to have unshakable confidence in one’s self, one’s vision and one’s abilities… but at the same time to position themselves amongst the people and remain ‘human’, relatable, present and real. It’s being able to walk into a room and treat everyone else with the upmost significance and importance, whilst holding your own space with confidence and conviction.
To put it into pictures - It’s Obama walking through The White House fist pumping a janitor. It’s Usain Bolt stopping mid interview to respect the national anthem of a fellow athlete. It’s Prince Harry breaking protocol to hug the kid. It’s Jacinda Ardern paying for a mother’s groceries at the supermarket because she’d left her purse in the car. These strong, powerful, high profile characters all demonstrate genuine humility and humanity. I think it’s one of their greatest assets – it’s why these now iconic images once filled our social media feeds. It’s why we respect and revere them.
Humility is powerful… it builds the bridge between ‘us and them’ and fosters authentic connection. It fuels growth and enables us to learn from our ‘mistakes’. It shifts the emphasis of success away from an individual and delivers shared recognition – which in turns builds incredible culture and loyal following.
I think the important thing to distinguish here though is that to these leaders, humility does not come at the expense of ego – that they coexist. They are a beautiful romance that when coupled with situational awareness and good decision making form a formidable combination.
Leadership is often challenging and isolating. Leaders frequently deal with volatile, complex, high-stakes situations where a single moment of insecurity or lapse in conviction could cost them in a big way. Imagine what went through Usain Bolt’s mind as he stepped up to the starting blocks – or through Obama’s mind as faced a hostile senate with his social reform Agenda. I think it would have gone something like “Just remember – you’re the man. Back yourself.”
Alongside their abundance of humility, these leaders have an undeniable ego.
Ego, when channelled positively, is incredibly powerful. It can give you a layer of armour… help you face up to your fears… convince yourself you are capable of the impossible... be the springs that bounce you back from adversity… the secret power that keeps you pushing towards your vision when everyone else has lost faith… give you permission to walk away from people or things that may not be in your best interest.
So – the challenge is to understand your ego, and form a healthy relationship with it. To know how and when to ‘turn it up’ to the max, but also recognise when to switch it onto standby and approach a person or situation with humility.
FINDING THE HUMBLE EGO BALANCE.
Here are a five simple things to consider and play that can help you find the balance between humility and ego.
1. Make yourself your only real competition. It can be easy to get caught up in competing and comparing with your peers and colleagues, and constantly wanting to one-up them. If you find yourself in this trap try shifting your focus and making your previous performance your major benchmark. Check in with yourself frequently and recognise your progress, then focus on the next step.
2. Focus on what makes you feel good, not just what makes you look good. When you are making decisions about what you are going to invest your time, energy or money in, think about what’s important to you and the impact it will have on your satisfaction and wellbeing… rather than how you think others will perceive it.
3. Let others talk about your achievements for you. Be proud of your success, and share it with your important people. Don’t feel like you need to broadcast it to the world all the time (every now and then is OK). Have faith that when you are doing awesome stuff people will talk about it on your behalf, and when they do… be gracious and say thank you.
4. Dilute the need to prove yourself to others. Stop saying things you think will impress people. Stop doing things for their validation. Stop dropping names. Stop feeling like you need to have something to say all the time. Be authentic. Be real.
5. Replace the word I with we or us when talking about success. A wise mentor once told me to ‘take all of the responsibility, but share all of the credit’. Modern leaders need to focus on creating positive team culture, centred around empowerment and recognition.